The Individual Behind The Computer Screen, Me!

Yes, welcome to the page where I talk about myself. Yes, I am that skinny boy that you see in the picture above, as well as in the header image of this website.

I know what's going through your mind. I'm skinny, and I can probably sit down and clean out my entire larder and not worry about putting on an ounce. To be honest, that's not really true, because there is quite a number of people who suffer from heart problems and they are skinny.

But you aren't on this page to learn about that. You're here to know more about me, and why did I choose to write about exercise. My story is a bit long, it is brutally honest, but I do so because I want you to know that there is a real human being on the other side of the computer, trying to reach out to you, and hopefully help you find the courage to do some things that I did not do.

When I was young and naive

Surprisingly (you could call it coincidence, or ironic or anything really), all my good friends were on the larger side of the spectrum. You could imagine the teasing and nicknames we would get. The Giant and the Ant. The Fat Pig and the Stick Insect. The Tub of Lard and The Third World Refugee. I've heard it all, and it became part and parcel of my life.

One day, my best friend had an emotional breakdown. He called and started crying, saying that he was tired of getting teased for his weight, that he felt worthless and not worth caring for. He talked about how guys around him were with girlfriends and no girl gave him a second glance. At 13, you might call it premature, but I suppose, it did take a huge chunk of his self-esteem.

As a good friend, I reminded him of all the great things he's capable of. I did it, not just to make him feel better, but to make him realize that he is an amazing person and he shouldn't put himself down because of that. He could hold the best conversations. He could make anyone laugh and smile whenever they had a bad day. He performed well, could sing and dance, and knew things about health that skincare experts would kill for!

Once I was once, he said in a sharp tone:

"You don't get it."

With that, he hung up.

I don't know what hurt more. The fact that my friend was hurting, or that he didn't think that I understood.

We were in different schools by the time we were 13, and I was suffering in my school. While he was in the best school of the district, I was in a neighbourhood one. Bullying was commonplace. I remember getting shoved, getting gravy poured on my pristine white uniform, being called so many names that would make Joan Rivers blush, teased publicly, humiliated, you get the idea.

There were times when I broke down, but I never told the true reason. It seems silly that now, 8 years later I'm suddenly being so honest, but it doesn't matter anymore. I know that this is the Internet, and according to my daily statistics, 300 unique individuals from 74 countries read this page each day, but I really would like you to know my story.

I think things went downhill when I was 15. I thought it was bad when I was 13, but nope, a greater challenge was ahead of me. There was a schoolmate who was pretty deadset on making me feel like the lowest vermin. I can barely recall what happened, except that I was crying almost everyday. He was that good. He would make a good politician, or a lawyer.

It was my turn to confide in my best friend, who now had started taking charge of his life. He simply told me that:

"In life, we all have go through problems and pain. But no matter who you are, you need to find a way to let it out. And guys tend to be guilty of keeping things bottled in, I know because I'm guilty sometimes myself, but do something, workout, talk to friends, just let it out."

He didn't say it in so many words, but that was what I remembered. I was too embarrassed to talk to any of my friends about it. Sure I gave them short clipped versions but never the full story. I'd like to someday, but the can of worms is too painful to deal with, even now, 5 years since I've graduated.

This was how I came into exercising. I still felt inferior (still do, till today), so I started working out at home, in my locked room. Simple push ups, then more complex ones, sorta like what I've written about on our workout pages. I tried some simple circuit training, I started going out for jogs and just had fun.

School became a lot more bearable that way. I still felt miserable, but it wasn't as bad as before. With exercise, I felt clearer and less inhibited and I was able to think, to see solutions and at that point, I wanted sterling results and move on to a higher institute of learning, which I achieved.

I think what I'm trying to say is, we all have something we'd like to change. There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve ourselves and how we look and feel, but it is wrong to be embarrassed of who we are.

I'm also trying to show you that sometimes, exercise might not just be for you to keep fit, it could also be an avenue for you to relieve yourself of stress and just unwind for the day. It might be the last thing you want to do after a stressful day at work, but it makes you feel awesome as opposed to sitting down in front of the television with a bag of chips.

Trust me, I've been through enough examination cramming periods to know the difference. The temptation is there, I admit, but I know I'll regret being lazy instead of exercising. It's hard to explain. You have to try it to understand what I'm getting at.

Where I am now

Am I the toughest guy around? Definitely not. But I'm definitely in a better position than I was 6 years ago. I have a lot of self confidence and self esteem now. I don't really give two hoots when someone makes a snide remark about me, and no matter what happens, I always have amazing emails from my readers like yourself, as well as friends who love me.

(This is a little off-topic, but my Contact form is real and I will read each and every one of them, believe me.)

I definitely want to learn more about sports and fitness, like tennis or basketball, but maybe not in Singapore. The sports scene here is not too friendly for beginners, at least in my opinion. I've always loved tennis, but I've only tried it once when I was 14. I was too conscious to play properly and kept missing every time I swung the racket. Maybe next time? Hopefully.

What I hope you take away from my story

To have the courage to take a leap. To do whatever you want to. You're probably at this site because you wanted to improve something about yourself physically. Stop running around to different sites and start believing that you can achieve that goal. It's not always immediate but it doesn't mean that it is impossible.

I took years to get over my teenage misery and even today, there are demons from my past that continue to haunt me. But I know that I can get better, and so can you. We all need shoulders to cry on when the going gets tough, and what better way to do it than on the Internet, where you could use a nickname to share your problem on my Answer My Health Question form. Get help. There's nothing wrong with asking for help.

I didn't share my story to get sympathy votes, please don't think of it that way. I just want to be honest and as I've mentioned, let you know that I am a real person with real problems too, just like you.

I also hope that this site can help you in some way, and do let me know if there's something you wanna know or need help with.

Your friend,

Azri.